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Monday, December 30, 2013

The Simple Skill That Will Improve Your Job

In television, being a good interviewer is not just about asking the right questions.

It’s about listening to the answer.

Some of the greatest television interviews happened not because the interviewer asked the right question, but because he or she asked the right follow-up. Just watch interviews by Barbara Walters or the late David Frost, both of whom extracted information from their subjects (Monica Lewinsky, Richard Nixon, Michael Jackson) nobody else could get. At moments more inexperienced interviewers would have glossed over, they would pause and ask, “why” or “how come.” And bingo – that would be the one great moment in the interview.

What’s amazing is that listening is one of the most underrated skills in the workplace and yet, one of the most important. It is the skill that can help you seal a negotiation, make you more amiable to your boss or simply win you friends. Jim Reynolds, the CEO of a boutique investment bank in Chicago, Loop Capital, told me he sometimes has to tap his sales guys under the table in a negotiation to get them to be quiet.

“The secret to effective selling is not the guy who goes in talking ‘I can do I this and I can do that and I can make your business better,’” he said. “That was never the guy who was the top salesman. The top salesman was always the guy that could ask leading questions and then listen to the answer. I learned this early on in my twenties and I’m still trying to teach it to my bankers.”

“Whoever is doing the real listening is improving the art of effective communication and that person will get even better,” he said.

Jim noted that the reason why listening was so effective in sales was because most people, without realizing it, will tell you what problem they need solved. If you just listen carefully enough, you can present the solution right back to them.

The same is true in negotiation. Most people will tell you what they need to get the deal done. If you listen to what they want, you can almost always give it to them, granted it is something you can give.

And in many ways, connecting to people is much about listening. True to human nature, almost all of us find that the most fascinating person on Earth is usually…ourself. If someone discovers you are willing to sit there and listen to that endless story about their dog, Clifford, then that person will think YOU are the most interesting person in the world. Try it with your friend/family member/spouse/boss. It is amazing what happens when you listen and even more amazing when you listen and repeat what they say back to you. Just watch their reactions.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Primal Instincts: How Body Language and Personality Dictate Success

The two most critical variables in how people perceive us are warmth and competence. These two traits account for up to 80% of our overall evaluation of people, "i.e., do you feel good or bad about this person."

The article notes, "warmth - does this person feel cold or warm to me? - is the first and most important interpersonal perception. The warm/cold assessment amounts to a reading of the other's intentions, positive or negative. Competence is assayed next: how capable is someone of carrying out those intentions."

We admire warm/competent people, we envy cold/competent people, while we pity warm/incompetent people, and exhibit contempt for cold/incompetent people.

Meanwhile, like dogs, non-verbal postures signal dominance and power, or, conversely, fear and meekness. Nonverbal postures impact our endocrine system and link stances, gestures, and hormone levels. The photos below illustrate "

"In all species, postures that are expansive, open, and take up more space are associated with dominance. Postures that are contractive - limbs touching torso, protecting the vital organs - are associated with low power, being at the bottom of the hierarchy."

Examples - she looks at her MBA students and finds, "classroom participation is 50% of the grade. There, women students have a harder time getting airtime, and speak more briefly when called. Women are also more likely to cross their legs and arms, or to lean in: low-power poses. While men raise their hands straight up, women tend to raise them with an elbow bent 90 degrees, commanding less space."

Another example comes from Laksmi Balachandra's research. He looked at 185 venture-capital pitches. His findings? "Changing one's mindset also changes the mindset, and neuroendocrine secretions, of others. The success of VC pitches turns on how comfortable and charismatic you are. The predictors of who actually got money are all about how you present yourself and nothing to do with content. Key variables include - calmness, passion, eye contact, and lack of awkwardness.

Back to warmth...Cuddy finds that we want to cooperate and help warm/competent people...we are rooting for them. However, we tend to resent, envy, and do not help cold/competent people. Envy drives ambivalence and ambivalence is clearly a hindrance to progress and support.

So - warmth, power postures, calmness, eye contact, passion.

Friday, December 6, 2013

How Poor We Are?

One day, a rich dad took his son on a trip. Wanted to show him how poor someone can be. They spent time on the farm of a poor family. On the way home, dad asked, “Did you see how poor they are? What did you learn?”.

Son said, 

“We have one dog, they have four, 

we have pool, they have rivers, 

we have lanterns at night, they have stars, 

we buy foods, they grow theirs, 

we have walls to protect us, they have friends, 

we have encyclopedias, they have Bible.” 

Then they headed,”Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are.”

MORAL LESSON: It’s not about money that make us rich, it’s about simplicity of having God in our lives.

The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. One pig built a house of straw while the second pig built his house with sticks. They built their houses very quickly and then sang and danced all day because they were lazy. The third little pig worked hard all day and built his house with bricks.

A big bad wolf saw the two little pigs while they danced and played and thought, “What juicy tender meals they will make!” He chased the two pigs and they ran and hid in their houses. The big bad wolf went to the first house and huffed and puffed and blew the house down in minutes. The frightened little pig ran to the second pig’s house that was made of sticks. The big bad wolf now came to this house and huffed and puffed and blew the house down in hardly any time. Now, the two little pigs were terrified and ran to the third pig’s house that was made of bricks.

The big bad wolf tried to huff and puff and blow the house down, but he could not. He kept trying for hours but the house was very strong and the little pigs were safe inside. He tried to enter through the chimney but the third little pig boiled a big pot of water and kept it below the chimney. The wolf fell into it and died.
The two little pigs now felt sorry for having been so lazy. They too built their houses with bricks and lived happily ever after.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Determining Your True Path

A master was strolling through a field of wheat when a disciple came up to him and asked, “I can’t tell which is the true path. What’s the secret?”

“What does that ring on your right hand mean?” – asked the master.

“My father gave it to me before dying.”

“Well, give it to me.”

The disciple obeyed, and the master tossed the ring into the middle of the field of wheat.

“Now what?” – shouted the disciple.

“Now I have to stop doing everything I was doing to look for the ring! It’s important to me!”

“When you find it, remember this: You yourself answered the question you asked me. That is how you tell the true path: It is more important than all the rest.”

Put Mind at Ease

One day, Buddha was walking from one town to another with a few of his followers.

While they were traveling, they happened to pass by a lake. They stopped to rest there and Buddha asked one of his disciples to get him some water from the lake.

A disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed some people were washing clothes in the water and, right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.

As a result, the water became very muddy. The disciple thought, ““How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink!””

So he came back and told Buddha, “”The water in the lake is very muddy. I don’’t think it is suitable to drink.””

After a while, Buddha again asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water.

The disciple obediently went back to the lake. This time he found that the mud had settled down and the water was clean so he collected some in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water then looked up at the disciple and said, 

““See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be and the mud settled down on its own. It is also the same with your mind. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time and it will settle down on its own.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Poisoning Mother-In-Law

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law.

In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn’t get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law’s habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.

Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law’s bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.

Li-Li went to see her father’s good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, “Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you.”

Li-Li said, “Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do.” Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs.

He told Li-Li, “You can’t use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don’t argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen.”

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed.

Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn’t had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

The mother-in-law’s attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

Li-Li’s husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, “Mr. Huang, please help me to stop the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She’s changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her.”

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. “Li-Li, there’s nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her.”

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Parenting - 20 Tips to Promote Positive Esteem

1) Value each child as an individual with unique strengths, needs, interests and skills.

2) Focus on the child's strengths. Emphasize and celebrate his "islands of competence."

3) Reject the child's behavior, but never reject the child. Use affectionate terms and nicknames when scolding ("Your room is a mess, honey. Now turn off the TV and make your bed.").

4) Remember that sincere interest can be more effective and meaningful than praise. Demonstrate a genuine interest in her activities, hobbies, etc.

5) Establish realistic, achievable goals for your child. Anticipate success.

6) Avoid using sarcasm with kids - children with language problems often misinterpret it.

7) When discussing an issue or a problem, avoid bringing up past difficulties.

8) Never compare one child to another.

9) Help the child develop decision-making and problem-solving skills.

10) Understand that mistakes are an inevitable (and valuable!) part of any learning experience. Use these as an opportunity to teach and assist.

11) Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable ones. This will ensure success, mastery, and retention.

12) Maintain a file of his academic work. Use this to demonstrate his progress and development when he is feeling down.

13) Encourage him to maintain "collections" (e.g., baseball cards, stamps, rocks, etc.). This allows him to be the resident expert on a topic.

14) If she does not participate in team sports, promote individual sports (e.g., skiing, golf, swimming). This will provide opportunities for success, exercise, and peer interaction.

15) Communicate your confidence in the child and in her future.

16) Permit and encourage the child to follow the normal fads of his peer group (e.g., clothing, music). This will enhance his acceptance at school and in the community.

17) Emphasize the positive aspects of her behavior or performance, even if the task was not completely successful. Reward direction, not perfection.

18) Anticipate that the child will have plateaus, failures, backslides, setbacks, and regressions. Support and encourage him at these times. Kids need love most when they deserve it least!

19) Look for opportunities to offer him choices to allow him to practice decision-making skills.

20) Never, ever, communicate disappointment to your child. The disappointment of an adult may be too great a burden for a child to carry.

Monday, October 28, 2013

The mother Giraffe makes her child Suffer

The mother giraffe gives birth standing up, so the first thing that happens to a new-born giraffe is a fall of about two meters.

Still dazed, the baby tries to stand up on its four legs, but its mother behaves very strangely: she gives the baby giraffe a gentle kick which sends it sprawling. It tries to get up and is again knocked down.

This process is repeated several times, until the new-born giraffe is too exhausted to stand. At that point, the mother kicks it again, forcing it to get to its feet. After that, she does not push the baby giraffe over again.

The explanation is simple: in order to survive predators, the first lesson a giraffe must learn is to get to its feet quickly.

The mother’s apparent cruelty finds support in an Arabic proverb: “Sometimes, in order to teach something good, you have to be a little rough.”

Lesson from the Hedgehogs – Teamwork

It was the coldest winter ever. Many animals died because of the cold.

The hedgehogs, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm. This way they covered and protected themselves; but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.

After awhile, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen. So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.

Wisely, they decided to go back to being together. They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their companions in order to receive the heat that came from the others. This way they were able to survive.

Friday, October 25, 2013

What Does it takes you to be a CEO ?

பாட்டி வைத்தியம்

* சாதம் வடித்த கஞ்சியை எடுத்து ஆறவைத்து ஒரு ஸ்பூன் நெய்யில் கொஞ்சம் சீரகம் கலந்து குடித்தால் இடுப்புவலி நீங்கும்

* அரிசியுடன் வெந்தயத்தைச் சேர்த்து கஞ்சியாக்கி காய்ச்சி உண்டு வந்தால் தாய்ப்பால் சுரக்கும்.

* விரலி மஞ்சளை சுட்டு பொடி செய்து தேங்காய் எண்ணெயில் குழப்பி காலையிலும் இரவிலும் ஆறாத புண்களுக்கு மேல் போட்டால் சீக்கிரம் குணமாகிவிடும்

* கறிவேப்பிலையை அம்மியில் வைத்து அதனுடன் தேக்கரண்டியளவு சீரகத்தையும் வைத்து, மை போல அரைத்து வாயில் போட்டு தண்ணீர் குடித்துவிட்டால் வயிற்றுப் போக்கு நிற்கும்

* சாம்பிராணி, மஞ்சள், சீனி போட்டு கஷாயமாக்கி பாலும் வெல்லமும் சேர்த்து பருகினால் உடம்புவலி தீரும்

* நெருப்பு சுடுநீர் பட்ட இடத்தில் பெருங்காயத்தை அரைத்துப் பூசினால் எரிச்சல் குறையும் கொப்பளமும் ஏற்படாது

* வெண்டைக்காயை உணவில் அடிக்கடி சேர்த்து வந்தால் நரம்புகள் வலிமை பெறும். மூளையின் இயக்கத்தைச் செம்மைப்படுத்துவதுடன் நல்ல ஞாபக சக்தியையும் உண்டாகும்

* பசுவின் பால் நூறு மில்லி தண்ணீரில் அதே அளவு விட்டு இதில் வெண்தாமரை மலர்களைப் போட்டுக் காய்ச்சி பாத்திரத்தை இறக்கி வைத்து அதில் வரும் ஆவியைக் கண்வலி போன்ற நோய்கள் வந்த கண்ணில் படும்படி பிடித்தால், கண் நோய்கள் அகலும்

* புடலங்காயின் இலைச்சாறு, காலையில் குழந்தைகளுக்குத் தருவதால் கக்குவான், இருமல் குணமாகும். மலச்சிக்கல் நீங்கும். புடலங்காய் சமைத்து உண்பதால் தேவையில்லாத உடல் பருமன் குறையலாம்

* பீட்ருட் கிழங்கின் சாற்றுடன் சிறிது தேனும் கலந்து அருந்தி வந்தால் வயிற்றுப்புண் குணமாகும்

* கேரட் சாறும் சிறிது தேனும் கலந்து பருகி வர கர்ப்பினி பெண்கள் வாந்தி நிற்கும் உடல் வலுவாகும். பித்த நோய்கள் தீரும்

* சுக்கு, மிளகு, திப்பிலி, தாமரை இதழ், வெல்லம் சேர்த்து தண்ணீரில் விட்டுக் கொதிக்க வைத்து வடிகட்டி இரவில் ஒரு டம்ளர் சாப்பிடுவதால் மாரடைப்பைத் தடுக்கலாம்

* முட்டைக் கோசுடன் பசுவின் வெண்ணெய் கலந்து பாகம் செய்து சாப்பிட்டால் உடல் தளர்ச்சி விலகும். ரிலாக்ஸ் ப்ளீஸ் ஆங்கிலத்திலும்